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Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."