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People will do odd things to get even.
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.