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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
drink beer ?? save water
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................