Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?