Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic