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They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.