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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.