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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!