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I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.