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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. Iām feeling pretty awesome!!
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out