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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.