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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.