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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!