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Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?