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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.