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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.