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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
Iām considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.