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Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.