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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!