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It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
Dear Santa, I was framed!
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.