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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?