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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
justin bieber
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`