Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…