Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!