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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.