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Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.