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Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.