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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
French people give me the crepes.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.