Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.