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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.