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I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.