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Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Safe words are for quitters.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
I just blew all my party money on bills again
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?