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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.