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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.