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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
This day needs more tomfoolery!
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?