Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Iām not in denial, Iām just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)