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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
The only dates I get are updates.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
It should really be called teethpaste.