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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?