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I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
I say the things better left unsaid.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it