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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.