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Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
It`s no fun if you have permission.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.