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A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?