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Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.