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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.