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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.