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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?