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A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.