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Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.