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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.