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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.