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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.