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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"