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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.