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Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
I’m late for a disappointment.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.