Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole