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My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
condoms prevent minivans
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.