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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so Iām just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!