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I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.