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I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.