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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
Iām shy at first, but once Iām comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, āIām not crazy!ā and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.