Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.