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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don`t know yet though she`s still in bed
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.