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Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.