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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.