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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......