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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.