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I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.