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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
is ready to have one too many!