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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.