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The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
My number was 0...