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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, āIām not crazy!ā and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.