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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.