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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.